I have a six year marriage. My wife told me this week she wants divorce.
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We are christians who serve at church. I serve in worship and she she as a dancer. She has a complicated job with the government. I am a musician and work in a freight forwarding company. We came to Christ 7 years ago and married one year after. Almost inmediately we started service at church and became disciples.
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We have had financial struggles from the beginning. I had an awesome job with a mobile communications company but two weeks after I married I got fired for something I didnt do. They accused me of stealing, which was not true. I want given a fair process and it ended in nothing... that gave me a hardship finding new jobs or good ones... to this day...
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My wifes main concern is that I didnt do an effort to better my circunstances. I conformed with the jobs I could find and did nothing more; like go and finish my bachelor or doing something on my own. The times I started something I abandoned it after a while. I had a frustration that I didnt deal with. I put some makeup on it and continued. I refuged myself doing more things for Church. I was one of the leaders, worked with the young people, worship ministry and we became leader of a small group. I really had my hands full...
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I have never been abusive in any way. I have loved my wife deeply from day 1. I was always seeking for quality times with my wife. Im a man of God in every way except and one of the most important things in a marriage, I didnt provide like I had to and didnt had the urgency to do so. Why? Because my wife was providing. Since we got married, because I got fired two weeks into marriage, she had to step up and take care of things financially. We had bought a house, cars, an expensive wedding, and I pay child support for a daughter on a past marriage.
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My wife is a good woman. She supported me from the beggining and was there for me. She supported me going back to college, and I did but I abandoned it as I was not doing good; mostly because I didnt put an effort. To her it was a little exhausting financially speaking. To make the end of the month with no debt. But we always made it, one way or the other. Never one month we were left behind... but still... we could never had vacations as we wanted to. We have stated this as the reason to not having children (although I think if we organized better, we could)
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Financially, in general, we are not as bad as it sounds. We havent been that well organized. She has her money and I have my money. It has happened sometimes that she has run out of money and I never know; and I have... This last year we moved to miami. She got a better work and we are doing way better. I have a better job. we are more comfortable. But she still feels that Im not doing my best. Shes right.
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We have had to deal with this since the beginning. We have or happy periods interrupted by a week or two of crisis. One or two crisis a year. But this is the first time she speaks to me of divorce and shes going through with it.
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The last crisis started in June. For some reason I finally saw what has been going on. I dont know why, this past years I have been like numb to this whole situation and did nothing. But on june I asked forgiveness to her and to God. I told her I would do anything to better things. So, we made a few decisions. I would go back to college and that would be my priority and work at night. Family time would be less but it was needed. We made budgets and joined bank accounts. But that same week, she got sent away for 3 months for work. The first 2 weeks were really good. She sent me beautiful messages in txts messages, we spoke everyday 2 or 3 times. My plan was in motion. But then everything change. Out of nowhere she told me shes been thinking and that she wants divorce. That shes thinking about it. 2 weeks later she has decided. She spoke to her parents and when she comes back, they are coming with her.
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I have been lost ever since. I trust in God. I pray. Still dont know what to do. Should I not resist in any way?? should I move?? for her to have space?? wont that give her the feeling that I quitted?? Im still doing the things we agreed and even if we divorce... I will still do them for me.
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But in the meantime, I love her!! I dont believe in divorce!!! I want to work this out, but she doesnt. She doesnt even want to try therapy or anything. She has shut down from receiving any counseling that doesnt come from her family. Her Non-Christian family. I believe she has hardened her heart. Since she is far away, I cant tell hows her spiritual life. I have been trying to connect with her spiritually by sending her messages, verses from bible, quotes, etc that lift her spirit with the purpose that she can find peace in God. I know she is suffering, that she is not ok. She knows what God says about divorce and everything. So, I dont send her anything that has to do with marriage or anything as I dont want her to feel uncomfortable. But even when I send her verses, so she knows she can rest in God, I dont think she is receiving the well when I sent them, so I stopped...
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I know God has plans for us. We have received promises and we believed them. I trust everything helps those that love God and have come to his purposes. My hope is in God and I know that at the end of the day God is still God.
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So, what can I do or how can I better handle this??
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What is the best way for me to handle this??
Source: http://www.focusonlinecommunities.com/thread/24946
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